Numbering Our Days

“Sir John Halkett and his Family”
-David Allen, 1781

We are all busy people and our days and weeks are full of things that need done, events that need prepared for, relationships that need attention. With all of the details and responsibilities in life it becomes pretty natural to lose track of time. Then a milestone hits. We have a birthday, our child starts another school year, or the first cold day of fall comes and we wake up for a moment to all the time that whipped by without us hardly noticing.

In Psalm 90:12, Moses, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, cries out to the Lord. “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” It’s a prayer that matches my own, especially as the years have turned into decades and the finiteness of our time on earth becomes apparent.

For those of us with children, we’ve been given a great privilege and responsibility to raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. We love them and we want to raise them well, but tasks and events and our own tiredness can really crowd out being intentional with them. We’ll do it next week or next month, we tell ourselves.

But how much time do we really have with them?

If we break down our children’s time until 18 into three basic categories - Sleep, School, and Home with family - this is roughly what it looks like.

Each block represents a week’s worth of time. These aren’t really lived in separate blocks, they’re woven through every single day.

To make this personal, for my oldest son, Brecken, I know some of the time I get with him at home has already passed, but it’s hard to imagine him not around all the time. It seems like he was just a baby yesterday. How much time do I really have left with him before he leaves the house? I ran the numbers. The gray squares represent time that’s already gone.

Oof, that lands hard. He’s already lived over half of his childhood at home, and I don’t think I’m ready to see it laid out like that.

My daughter Arwyn turned 7 in May and still feels like a very young girl. Really, she is a very young girl. But in just nine years, at 16, she’ll likely have a job and a summer that she spends mostly somewhere else. How many summers do I have left with her home all the time? In the graph below, each summer is a sun.

This one isn’t any easier. I love having Arwyn around the house. Her gentle spirit and her ability to make beautiful things. She’ll create whole family stories with her dolls, or sit and draw artwork, or help out with household tasks, or run around outside.

So much of our life has gone into helping our children thrive that I’ve taken for granted we’d have them in our home for years to come. They will always be our children but the season of doing life together, day in and day out, does come to an end.

Each spring I like to take a few days off to just be around the house and do life with my family. Rhen, our youngest, just turned 3. How many more springs do I have at home with everyone here before we’re empty-nesters?

Seeing 17 springs still ahead feels less shocking than the first two, and I’m thankful for that.

Honestly, what shook me the most in taking inventory wasn’t how little time is left. It was how much has already passed without me hardly being aware of it. But there really is still time. Time to adjust my perspective. Time to gain a heart of wisdom. Time to redeem each day. Maybe that’s the blessing of Moses’s prayer. It’s not anxiety over the days behind us, but open eyes for the ones still in front of us.

In the last 10 years of raising our children, I’ve learned there is power in prayerfully building small, daily habits around the things we care most about. Small habits compound. Over years they become the foundation your family stands on. I’ll share one example that has worked for us. We do a nightly devotion as a family. It’s not always very long, and there are seasons (like when we’re running to a sports practice for our kids) that we don’t hit every night. But our family has come to expect that at the end of supper we will have time in the Word, singing, and prayer. It’s led to some of the most meaningful conversations with our children and joyful times as a family.

And God is not surprised by how fast time is going for us, or ill-equipped to help us. We can trust him with our children.

We’re all on this journey together. Each of you has your own story and your own unique amount of time left with your children. I pray the Lord will bless your families abundantly and give you wisdom and grace for each day as you faithfully raise your children with the time you’ve been given!